I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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