nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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