yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
