i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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