you didnt know i had herpes?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize