well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
