The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
