Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i will never coherently bang her
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
