Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
