This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
