if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
