I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
