That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
