the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
