Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
