If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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