Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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