If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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