Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
