arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
