Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
