hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
