Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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