i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
