He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
