Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
