he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dignity is for republicans.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
