she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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