we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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