So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
