I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I lost the right to judge tonight
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize