We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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