you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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