i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
