I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
