shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize