Can i not drive my cunt home
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
