the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
