My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
