Cold hands, warm shart.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I could make wine with my vomit
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
