this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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