I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All I want is dick and wine.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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