Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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