WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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