Non-Jews are for practice
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
