I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
