so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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