You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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