she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
