just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
