she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
