i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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