Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
