I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
