Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize