Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
