I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
