Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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