I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize