apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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