This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
