hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
