i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
