What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
What a dumb baby whore.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
