I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
