I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
