He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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