remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
