i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
