Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
