she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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