A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
