at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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