fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize