anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
